Follow jayteewo on Twitter


Thursday, December 22, 2011

At least you have your health.

What if you, someone who went to all the right schools, hustled and got all the right internships, learned a foreign language, and is like, totally charming got fired suddenly and unjustly? You are the kind of person who never dreamed that in a thousand million years you'd get fired. What could a person like you do to be in such a position? You're not a hoodlum! With not even a blowout or a big scene to regale your friends with.. just like, "hey, how about you bounce? We don't really like you."

PROS The upside is that if this were to happen, one could subsequently use it as an excuse for all things carefree (and care-less): "It's the holidays and I just got shit-canned." That excuse could be used when justifying (this morning) whether it is okay to eat your sister's birthday cake for breakfast (why, yes it is), when your dad asks why his phone calls went unanswered for about 24 hours (do not tell him you were ripped, though both true and understandable), or if you would like to make about 40 ill-advised online purchases (back to what you're good at).

REASSURANCE Don't be sad, ya poor bastard ('poor' is meant here to incite panic, you poor sonofabitch, because your paycheck is now nonexistent). You are NOT a failure (unless you are, I don't know your circumstances- but feel free to sob in the fetal position on your living room floor. I do know you don't deal well with rejection). I'm sure it just wasn't a good fit, buddy! You'll fit in somewhere waaay better.

MOVING ON There are all sorts of things you wanted to do before that thankless, poverty-inducing job came around that you reluctantly settled for. You had BIG plans. (you needed that job actually so really the plan was to get. a. job.) Those plans remain in the infancy stage in piles around your apartment, only to serve as little towers for your cat to survey his domain from. (Shit! You just remembered you have a cat that is on a strict, expensive holistic diet). Go out and make some changes, especially big life changes that stress you the hell out. New is (can be) nice: new places, new, better job, new sheets, new, hot dentist (this can get awkward), new friends (not so much here), new FOOD. Move somewhere closer to your family- do consider if you like them enough, as they will be close enough for a drop by. Maybe you should get a Master's degree or really fuck with people and become a Dermatologist or something. Screw it, you're young, right?.. um, right? Too bad you're not that dedicated. Correction: you haven't been that dedicated in the past, but now could be the perfect time to step up your game (translation: it is). Assuming everyone has one, find your purpose. Hell, you've got the time! Wouldn't it simplify everything if each person knew their purpose and was actively fulfilling it?

SO THERE They undervalued you anyway and you never fit in. You hated the schedule and the people. There was no room in the damn fridge to put your sack lunch and they wouldn't even let you bring your cat to work! Rude! Indeed you are simply stunning, hilarious, educated, interesting and a very snappy dresser, but sometimes people don't like that. We call those people assholes and they can suck it. 

best regards,
Aspiring Lottery Winner

No comments:

Post a Comment